Thursday, November 24, 2011

If the Reds Were Thanksgiving Dinner...


Happy Turkey Day everyone! I would like to use this time to express my sincere gratitude for everyone who reads or frequents this blog on a regular basis. You all are very much appreciated.

Secondly, I would also like to provide an interesting and somewhat humorous post on this glorified day of gluttony. While most of America will have food, family and football on tap today, Redlegs Review is going to add a fourth dimension to that list....Reds baseball.

For your pure comedic entertainment, I give you what select members of the Reds would be if they were a traditional Thanksgiving dish. So grab yourself some pumpkin pie or another dessert of your choosing and enjoy...

The Turkey - Joey Votto
Votto is to the team as turkey is to the fourth Thursday of every November in America. They are the centerpieces, the foundation on which everything else is built around. Take them out of the equation and what's left is a void too great for anything else to properly fill. Take care of them and they will take care of you.

The Mashed Potatoes - Bronson Arroyo
Both are greatly under-appreciated, but you'll be hard-pressed to hear any complaining from either one of these mainstays. Despite being bruised, banged up and just generally whipped at times, they always manage to make it through the ringer somehow. And it's because of this hard-working trait why they remain popular among their peers.

The Stuffing - Jay Bruce
We all know stuffing has been playing second fiddle to the turkey for centuries now. So much attention is paid to the oversized bird that we almost forget how good the stuffing is. That's the way Bruce must feel about Votto sometimes. No matter how well the dressing or Bruce turn out, the turkey and the reigining MVP will probably be the talk of the table. With that said, both desperately need each other in order to excel.

The Green Beans - Drew Stubbs
This stringy vegetable and Stubbs share a couple similarities. Both are raw and have room to mature, just as long as there's a willing soul to invest the necessary time in their development. They also share the gift of speed. Once on base (or on the stove) the time needed to advance toward their next step is minimal...the real trouble lies in getting them there.

The Rolls - Mike Leake
One thing you can usually count on being pretty decent during Thanksgiving is the rolls. And one thing you can usually count on in the past two seasons from Leake is a quality outing. Neither will be the feature of the menu or rotation, but they'll be in the conversation. Just as Leake made the leap straight to the majors from college, so do the rolls from the oven to the stomachs of hungry guests.

The Cranberry Sauce - Scott Rolen
It's the dish that always find it's way on the table, yet it's contribution to the meal is always in question. This is by no means a knock on Rolen, but his nagging injuries have prevented him from contributing to the Reds like he's capable of. Should the club find a better way to use him and keep him healthy, much like if another use of cranberry sauce were ever invented, all parties would win in the end.

The Corn - Johnny Cueto
You know what you're getting when you dig into some corn, and you know what you're getting when you trot Cueto out to the mound. No matter what you do, you can't mess 'em up. Simply hand the ball to the Dominican right-hander or pour the can of yellow veggies onto the stove -- the results will most likely turn out in your favor...unless of course you throw a bad batch of chicken wings from Chicago in there.

The Yams - Brandon Phillips
At first glance the yams, or sweet potatoes if you will, may seem a bit ordinary, just as Phillips' offensive numbers may seem. However, after further review you will notice that they along with Phillips are most certainly not. Throw in some diving catches, some marshmallows, some walk-off hits, some honey, some off-balance throws, and some nuts and you have one amazing side dish or second basemen.

The HamYonder Alonso
Wait, what? The Reds are in the unusual pickle of having two studs on their proverbial table. While the turkey (Votto) is more than enough to fill the needs, the team also has their choice of another entree at their disposal. The ham (Alonso) could be every bit as good as the turkey in the long run, but how does one choose between such a dilemma? In this instance, go ahead and indulge in both.

The Pumpkin Pie - Aroldis Chapman
Chances are if you've made it this far around the kitchen you've had your fair share of enjoyment. However, there's also a good chance that you're looking for more. Enter pumpkin pie and enter Chapman. Both have potential to put your meal or the Redlegs over the top, and both can leave you in the shallow valleys of defeat. Nonetheless, it's a risk/challenge you're willing to take.  

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