Friday, March 15, 2013

Reds limericks in honor of St. Patrick's Day


by: Dan Howard
Staff Writer

Now that the Cardinals have selected Francis 1 to be their leader, what are they going to do with Mike Matheny? (Insert rim shot here.) In honor of St. Patrick’s Day this Sunday, I thought I’d become Irish this week and provide a few cheesy Reds limericks. Thanks to Vivian Ooten, and Dr. Jack Ward for their input.

At first base is Joey Votto;
Working hard is his motto;
He plays with such grace;
He puts a smile on our face;
While we stand and cheer bravo!

DatDude BP plays second base;
Catches grounders others can’t chase;
Turns two in a blink of an eye;
Makes the other teams cry;
“DatDude BP is all over the place!”

We have a sophomore at shortstop
A man named Zachary Warren Cozart
His range is wide as he chews up grounders;
Like a fat man eating quarter pounders;
His slick fielding is a fine work of art!

Todd Frazier anchors the hot corner;
Hard as nails, tougher than plate armor;
Last season he produced great stats;
Even homered without holding his bat;
And turned opponents into mourners!

Catching for the Reds is Ryan Hanigan;
His right arm is like a shotgun;
He knows the right pitches to call;
Covers the plate like Black Friday at the mall;
Base stealers beware if you dare to run!

In left field is Ryan Ludwick;
Catching fly balls makes him tick;
Drives in runs like a machine;
Count on him to keep the bases clean;
When he comes to bat the pitchers get sick!

Our leadoff man is Shin Soo Choo;
Traded to the Reds for a man named Drew;
He can hit with a bat, spoon or straw;
He defense leaves opponents in awe;
I’m glad he’s on our Big Reds crew!

In right field stands Jay Bruce;
Opposing pitchers he does abuse;
He plays the game so well;
Even the Scottish fans yell;
“Jay Bruce is loose in the hoose!”

Our great pitching staff begins with Johnny Cueto;
Then Mat Latos, Homer Bailey, Bronson Arroyo;
We’ve got Mike Leake, Sam Lecure, and Alfredo Simon;
Add Sean Marshall, Aroldis Chapman, and Jonathan Broxton;
Along with J.J. Hoover, Nick Masset and Jose Arredondo!

The Reds manager is Dusty Baker;
He’s the team’s mover and shaker;
Last season he won 97;
This year possibly 111;
World Champion Manager will be his moniker!

I’m going to rest now. Any quarter pounders left?

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