Thursday, November 28, 2013

A light-hearted attempt to analogize Reds players to Thanksgiving dishes

Happy Turkey Day everyone! I would like to use this time to express my sincere gratitude for everyone who reads or frequents this blog on a regular basis. You all are very much appreciated.

Secondly, I would also like to provide an interesting and somewhat humorous post on this glorified day of gluttony. While most of America will have food, family and football on tap today, Redlegs Review is going to add a fourth dimension to that list....Reds baseball.

For your pure comedic entertainment, I give you what select members of the Reds would be if they were a traditional Thanksgiving dish. So, grab yourself some pumpkin pie or another dessert of your choosing and enjoy.


The Turkey - Joey Votto
Votto is to the team as turkey is to the fourth Thursday of every November in America. They are the centerpieces, the foundation on which everything else is built around. Take them out of the equation and what's left is a void too great for anything else to properly fill. Turkey isn't going away on Thanksgiving anytime soon, and neither is Cincy's All-Star first basemen thanks to a deal he signed in March that will keep him a Red through 2023.

The Mashed Potatoes - Bronson Arroyo
Both are greatly under-appreciated, but you'll be hard-pressed to hear any complaining from either one of these mainstays. Despite being bruised, banged up and just generally whipped at times, they always manage to make it through the ringer somehow. And it's because of this humble characteristic why they remain so popular among their fans. If 2013 was indeed the last year for Arroyo in a Reds uniform, he will certainly be missed, even more than when the mashed taters are gone from the Thanksgiving table.

The Gravy - Mat Latos
It doesn't matter how good your spread is if you don't have gravy on the list. The Reds can relate as they were desperately seeking an ace-caliber starter this time a couple of years ago to stick in their rotation. Luckily, they got one from San Diego with Latos. Like gravy, Latos has proved to be that extra special something to push the meal/team over the top. Yes, I believe we will keep both around at this point.

The Stuffing Jay Bruce
We all know stuffing has been playing second fiddle to the turkey for centuries now. So much attention is paid to the oversized bird that we almost forget how good the stuffing is. That's the way Bruce must feel about Votto sometimes. No matter how well the dressing or Bruce turn out, the turkey and Votto will always be the talk of the town. With that being said, both desperately need each other in order to excel.

The Green Beans - Billy Hamilton
This stringy vegetable and Hamilton share a couple similarities. Both are raw and have need for seasoning, just as long as there is a soul willing to take the necessary time to invest in their development. They also share the gift of speed. Once on base (or on the stove) the time needed to advance toward their next step is minimal...the real trouble may lie in getting them there.

The Rolls Homer Bailey
One thing you can usually count on being pretty decent during Thanksgiving is the rolls. And one thing the Reds have come to expect out of their former first round pick is a quality outing. Neither will be the feature of the menu or rotation, but they will always be in the conversation. However, there are rare instances when they don't turn out so well. Bottom line: they can make or break a night.

The Salad - Todd Frazier
Neither the salad or Frazier is going to be the star of the show, but both are extremely important to the quality of the group. You get a little bit of everything with a tossed salad, just like you get a little bit of everything from Frazier. Left field, tomatoes, first base, croutons, third base, doesn't matter. Their versatility is second to none. Throw in anything you wish for and they always turn out alright.

The Cranberry Sauce - Shin-Soo Choo
Nothing sets the Thanksgiving table quite like a dish of cranberry sauce. Similarly, no one in the National League sets the proverbial offensive table for his team as well as Choo did last season. It's unimaginable to wonder how life might be like without the signature sauce or the invaluable Choo in the lineup. Unfortunately, it's a scary reality the Reds may have to face in 2014 if he signs with another team. However, we can at least take solace with the fact that the cranberry sauce isn't going anywhere anytime soon. 

The Corn - Johnny Cueto
You know what you're getting when you dig into some corn, and you know what you're getting when you trot Cueto out to the mound. No matter what you do, you can't mess them up. Simply hand the ball to the Dominican right-hander or pour the can of yellow veggies onto the stove, and the results will most likely turn out in your favor...unless of course you throw a bad batch of chicken wings from Chicago in there.

The Yams - Brandon Phillips
At first glance the yams, or sweet potatoes if you will, may seem a bit ordinary, just as Phillips' offensive numbers may seem. However, after further review you will notice that they along with Phillips are most certainly not. Throw in some diving catches, some marshmallows, some walk-off hits, some honey, some off-balance throws, and some nuts and you have one amazing side dish or second basemen.  

The Pumpkin Pie Aroldis Chapman
Chances are if you've made it this far around the kitchen you've had your fair share of enjoyment. However, there's also a good chance that you're looking for more. This is when pumpkin pie and Chapman enter the picture. Both have the capability of closing out the evening and most of the time they do. There is nothing better than a warm piece of pumpkin pie after a good hearty meal. And there is nothing better than watching The Cuban Missile nail down a Redlegs victory. Pure perfection. 

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